She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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