also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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