He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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