I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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