I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
