just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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