theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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