just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
