He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
