did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm passing your future prison.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
