So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
