Cold hands, warm shart.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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