Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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