You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
