Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
