Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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