i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
