Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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