a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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