one might say we're banned from that church
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
