do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
