the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
