We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
