Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
