Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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