question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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