awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
