i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize