using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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