I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
