I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
