My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
