Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
