im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
