he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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