A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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