But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
