New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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