dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
