My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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