Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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