yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
