Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
