Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
