she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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