after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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