You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
