How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
