based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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