its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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