yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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