she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
