Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The beer is more important than you right now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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