It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
