Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We need a shit load of segways right now
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
