It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I would fuck him just for his dog
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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