i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize