I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
