my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
