She is in my trunk
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
