physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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