I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hippo gnu deer
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
