When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
