He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
