Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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