Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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