Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
These tits shall not be calmed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
