When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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