So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
