I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We had sex on a dog bed..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
