woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
