one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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